Losing Laura

There is a girl I never knew,
In the woman sat before me,
Within her familiar frame,
Her soul searches for some sense.

In the distance dances a memory,
But it’s lost in whirling confusion,
Her hand held out to follow,
That which others cannot accept.

Then there’s the bittersweet moments,
Of tragic clarity,
When loving eyes and heart align,
Before glazing over again.

“I recognise you.
“I’ve loved you since you were born
“I can be your auntie if you want?
“Isn’t it funny we have the same last name?”

“Goodbye Nanna.”

Forgiveness Must Start With Truth

No more fear of the face of hope
And do not fear the glance of ages.
You have done destiny’s demand,
His commands don’t assuages;
For all men must forgive their youth,
And they must stand to face the truth.

No more fear of justice’s sword
Your moral shield should take the hit.
Do not worry of petty scores
Working men will stand should’ring lords,
Laws and Science know no excuse,
For all things must defer to truth.

No more fear of premonitions
Or those drenching, despairing dreams.
All is out and torn asunder,
When you shoulder your contritions,
And the history you must smooth,
For forgiveness must start with truth.

Written after reading Fear No More by Shakespeare

Hope Is But A Butterfly

Hope is but a butterfly,
That flutters in the mind
And dances almost whimsically,
Around chances, it does find.

Emerging from its waxy shell,
Where beauty has been grown,
To realise opportunities,
Previously unknown.

Thoughts kiss the transitory orb,
That lights a future course,
Of endless possibilities,
Where wings beat tornadoes perforce.

My Death Date?

2022, September the 8th,
My death date.
This premonious fate,
That my dreams lead me to.
My hypochondria screams,
A condition I cannot speak,
Over a decade and a half later
And I still count each week.
Everything I feel,
Everything I sense,
What happens around me,
Validates my fears.
But now the years have wound down,
The weeks rapidly pass,
And days fly by,
Racing to the hour, minute, second; my last.
When all is past.
Or not,
And then what will I become?
A phoenix reborn?
Or a broken being,
With wasted years,
And lingering fears?

Questioning Health Anxiety

Fifteen years with this health anxiety,
A secret I guard of what I fear will be,
Research and rituals, and irrationality,
And the all-clear tests that don’t set me free.

My every waking thought is framed by this curse,
Made worse by paranoia and depression and remorse,
So I wither and I dread this may run its course,
To leave me alone and lost or worse.

Each new day brings me closer to the last,
Or has that day been and done, and past,
I am stuck in an agony I should’ve surpassed,
Aghast, I know the die I cannot uncast.

Fifteen years of mental brutality,
Tortured by my own actuality,
My vitality lost, along with my voice,
My Silence. My Sanity. My Health. My Choice.

The Doctor’s Secrets

I know things,
Secret things,
Secrets that must never be spoken.

I am a secret collector.
Entrusted with the secrets of others
And the bearer of my own.

I hold these secrets near,
I hold them dear,
I revere them,
I fear them.

Sealed up,
In this virtuous repository,
A cargo I stow away,
For honour, love and duty;
For eternity.

A New Year Sestina

At home, we meet the New Year,
With an embrace and with dancing humour.
It wasn’t long before we went to bed,
To where we’d played a little earlier.
As New Year’s celebrations still sounded,
We dreamt of another year together.

We have met years together,
Growing in our lives with each passing year,
In each, fireworks and church bells have sounded.
In all, we’ve tried to live in good humour,
More so than we would in lives earlier
And we end our long days in restful bed.

A haven of rest is bed,
Where in the silence we are together.
If we enraged each other earlier,
We know resolution will form that year,
Because battles can’t outlast the humour
Or the passions that this great love sounded.

And how to them it sounded.
Those times we silently took to our bed,
Could they not know the overarching humour,
That the nights mean that we spend together,
As weeks, months, become a year,
And we head to bed all the earlier.

And as I said earlier,
When magic words and noises have sounded,
And special things resonate with the year,
There’s no better place to lay than your bed,
Where our hands, feet are entwined together,
Enveloped in our own special humour.

We’re lost without this humour,
And brought back to those places earlier,
Where weren’t we ourselves always together,
Until at the end the claxon sounded
And when then retired to a peaceful bed,
To welcome the New Year.

Together we push forward with humour,
After a year, like those lived earlier,
When fireworks sounded, we retire to bed.

Undefendable

This cold solid suit,
Constructed by me,
Surrounding my all,
A wall that’s so thick,
It envelopes me.

Does it define me?
Damaged and rebuilt;
Protective layers
Perfected through time.
Pure sublimity.

Dangers stand afore,
None may damage me,
For this thing I’ve built:
A life’s barrier,
Stands to set me free.

But freedom is fraught,
Liberties hard-won,
Passions rested spent,
Wrent away from me,
For I am defence.

But do these walls defend?
And this armoured suit
Whence I establish,
Does it imbue strength?
Or does it restrain?

Am I limited?
Am I limiting?
Am I truly free?
Or am I bound by that which has been,
And lost in what these eyes have seen?

On Our 13th Wedding Anniversary

I see you;
Veiled.
I see you;
Regaled.

The years bind us,
They define us.

I look forward,
I see the next day,
Just one more day,
A day more to love you.

13 years.
Laced years.

Veiled in your words,
Veiled in a glance,
Veiled in a touch,
Veiled in the story we live.

I believe,
Because I see.

I see you;
Frayed.
I see you;
Revealed.

Knowing Love

Each morning meets me with joy,
As the lass comes bounding to greet me,
Relief in her eyes and her ears,
That the night turned to morn dawning
And her lonely fears are lost,
To be overwhelmed by elation,
For those she loves the most
Have come back,
Are still here,
Still alive,
Rejoice!

Because if you want to know love,
Get a pup
For love unconditional.
But please beware,
Because a dog’s life lives too quick
And we love so long.