Muses

(archives)

Pharonic Lines

Dark eyes peer out, gently penetrating,
From behind pitch curtains and bronzed skin,
Pharonic lines only deepen their gaze.
I stand in wonderment
As this statuesque beauty holds out her hand, smiles, then draws me in.

Within minutes the champagne has an effect,
Like the mist of an evaporating dew,
A softer presentation:
Her eyes, her smile, the way she stands.
I swear without bias: she’s the most beautiful in the room.

Remember The Black Dress

We’d known about this for a while
A dress for a ball that’s all
A black dress will be fine
She has one of course in which she looks wonderful
But it’s the morning of the event
Panic sets in: she’s run out of time.

She throws herself down, with silent blank staring eyes
She snaps that there’s nothing wrong
Or that she’s heard enough
That she’ll be in rags
It’s so hard not to laugh
She hates herself in these moments
Stubbornness locks her into perpetuating the mood
I can’t help but to love her for it

No one will see the dress whilst she’s standing there in it.

The day comes to a close
A short journey
A hotel room
A change in mood as we enter the venues doors

Introductions end and we stand there momentarily
A moment for reflection

Dark eyes peer out, gently penetrating,
From behind pitch curtains and bronze skin,
Pharonic lines only deepen their gaze.
I stand in wonderment
As this statuesque beauty holds out her hand, smiles, then draws me in.

Within minutes the champagne has an affect
Like the mist of an evaporating dew,
A softer presentation:
Her eyes, her smile, the way she stands
I swear without bias: she’s the most beautiful in the room.

I can’t remember the dress she wore
It was black.
But I could say no more.

Put away the pretension of a night with the penguins
We’re birds born to soar
Born to explore and review
I utter the words
“I want to spend my foreverness with you”

No cryptic get out
No doubt about the way I feel
We fit into each other

A moment

Lay your head on my chest
Close your eyes
Feel the warmth in me
My heart’s beating that bit faster
Let my arms draw you in closer
Let your breathing shallow
Just follow my lead
Join the rhythm of being
Put out of your mind those other things
There’s no need for questions
There could be no answers
It’s all right here
All in the moment

There’s no word we’ve ever spoken
There’s nothing we could ever say
We wouldn’t come close enough
To this reality

I see it

You’re not ok
But you say you’re fine
You smile to set my mind at rest
But I’m so good at the signs.
You want to make the world ok
For everyone around
Those maternal instincts kicking in
Things you can’t fix will bring you down.
All consuming thoughts
Habits
Routines
Regimentation of the day
Offer protection and stability
But it doesn’t make you ok

Be the rock, take it all
Solve their problems if you can
But you can’t, no one will
Your attempts will all fall down.

It’s not about the others
Your responsibility’s to you
It’s time for you to admit
The hurt you’re going through
And it torments you every day
The way I’ve seen in myself before
When white mists began to edge
And lick at my thoughts
All consuming thoughts
Habits
Routines
Regimentation of the day
Offering protection and stability
It doesn’t make us ok

Juddering Nights

The juddering nights awaken me
“Nightmares again Dear?”
Anxiety to fear
Fear of what isn’t clear
I draw you near
The issue persists
Nocturnal, episodic hauntings
I helplessly witness
Your hands and feet flail
But your face shows no distress
I draw your sleeping body close
But the issue still persists
Persists for me to witness
And it cuts at me so
Though calming with my caress
I’m forced to question your happiness

How

How distant that love now seems,
Put away with photos to gather dust.
How strange and unreal it all now seems,
Eight and a half years, a house, a ring,
A caricatured effigy of me for me.
How odd time can seem,
A progressive linear reasoned history.
How changed the world can be,
When those reasoned illusions of reality,
Prove themselves to be fragile ornaments,
Like blown glass baubles on the festively dead tree,
The ones the cat likes to bat that crash and smash so easily.

How unreal is reality?
When the hurting minutes become weeks and then months past.
When the streaming tears that cried rivers don’t last.
When you realise that the world’s not the same,
But the same and you’ve changed,
And the change within you came to pass,
Without a poignant moment for you to point at.

And you thought you’d never love again?
How strange is that?!
Before long you’re watching your new lovers back,
Sleeping – dreaming of countless wonders,
It’s hard to remember those other slumbers,
Witnessed for so very long,
Strong as those feelings were, they’ve gone.

How humbling existence is to me,
A thin strand between ego and humility.
How strange it all is?
This life we lead?

I’m not an expert in these things, should anyone be?

The soporific effects of an insomniac’s lover

They lay there, all legs, hands, arms and feet
Entangled like the roots of an old well formed tree
Supporting each other tenderly
Offering tactile security

Hands cupping shoulders
Feet drawing in legs
“Feel safe with me”

Ineffable
Words spoken through a glance
A pronounced stare
A tapping finger
“Know I care”

Interwoven
Inseverable
Indivisible

This space
This time
This repletion

Drowsy serenity
It’s almost scary that sleep could be so natural
Don’t question it
Sleep

The continuous caress of that body being there
The rhythmic motions of existence
Susurrant demands in that silent moment
“Sleep”

And in the darkness
Be still fears of the licentious licks of that other lover
The one that rouses from dreams
The one that demands conscious streams

Then awaken to find morning has come
Dozing and warm and welcoming the sun
Contentment touches the corners of each lover’s lips
Another conquered night given over to bliss

A Smile

He smiles uncontrollably to himself
Waking passions and thoughts rise to the fore
Memories losing their significance
Happy within himself once more

Rolled back and out of sight the timely mists
The haunting spectres of that loathsome man
Beaten back and broken with self awareness
Never to torment his soul again

Naked beauty radiates contentedness
Over all things he saw
Fraternal greetings from this lonely man
But he’s not lonely anymore

Go on
Smile sweetly as you walk along your path
The only moment you have is now
Take strength in what has come to pass
Enjoy life, you’re allowed.

Beached Dream

Erroneous thoughts flap and billow free
Tied fast to a thousand linear threads
From below they echo grey clouds above
Suspended over vacant sandy ground

Beached Dream recklessly listing to one side
Awaiting an encounter to break free
Strains and stresses audibly creak and groan
Beached Dream’s slowly deteriorating

Even the clearest and fine day there’s mist
The horizon blurred by waiting vapour
Always ready to roll in then engulf
When you’re on your knees and can walk no farther

The sandy grains clump between ugly toes
And sit heavily on top of tired feet
Eternal beach head and the sea afore
Constitutes this wanderers Calvary

Only the thoughts that flap and billow free
Offer up a clear opportunity
Take hold of those wayward strands and threads
Set sail on the unknown trajectory

This Great Love

This great love.
Now dusty and archived.
Once lively with the joy of the future possibilities,
Hangs like a brake beneath me.

I wander as in a perpetuum of my dreams,
Unable to break this cycle of loneliness,
Unable to establish meaning for my life,
I’ seeing this existence as though I’m no longer a participant.

He longs to feel the warm sun of another’s passion raising him,
To reciprocate. He’s known this previously,
He’s felt the wholeness that comes with knowing someone else is there,
He’s given as much back.
When did he loose that?
Does that feeling not emanate towards him still?
When did he stop reciprocating?

I wander in a perpetuum of my dreams,
Looking to my thoughts for solace,
Looking to my thoughts for a sign,
I need to make a move and make a change.

That great love.
Where did I put you?
And where is the next volume?
The one that talks of freedom, passions, feeling.